musicmadnis

Contra.
This is my most anticipated album of 2010.



And, this is shaping up to be one of my favourite songs of the album.

You know what, can we just get on with the new year already. The exams are bugging the crap out of me. All these demoralising grades, and not to mention, broken english.

2009, well, please fuck off now.

"Is tomorrow just a day like all the rest."
How could you know just what you did?
So full of faith yet so full of doubt I ask.
Time and time again you said don't be afraid.
"If you believe you can do it."
The only voice I want to hear is yours.
And again.
I shall ask you this once again.
And again.
He said:
" I am but one small instrument."
Do you remember that?
So here I am above palm trees so straight and tall.
You are smaller, getting smaller.
But I still see you.

"Of this kind is also the anecdote of the actor Unzelmann. After he had been strictly forbidden to improvise in the Berlin theatre, he had to appear on the stage on horseback. Just as he came on the stage, the horse dunged, and at this the audience were moved to laughter, but they laughed much more when Unzelmann said to the horse: “What are you doing? Don’t you know that we are forbidden to improvise?"

I had an awesome day in school.
I think I had the best lecture in University thus far. Film and History rocks my socks. If you really want to know what we actually watch in lecture, this is just a sneak...



One last thing, Guess what? I got a fever! And the only prescription.. is more cowbell!

It's half past two on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I'm feeling lazy, typically I love to sleep in late on a Sunday. However, last night I was pissed tired and went to bed at 10pm. My mum was shocked to see me sleep so early. The late nights were catching up to me. Plus, the added wedding to attend to in Johor, and the ZERO sleep I had on Friday. It's not very healthy, is it not? And I have to deal with my lack of vitamin intake, and not eating enough from my mum. I know I am not the healthiest person, living the healthiest of lifestyles but I feel alright, so that's ok for now. I'll regret later when it's time to regret.

So, I am procrastinating my research for EU debate on Wednesday. I am not participating in Film & History forum, which I think I need to but what the heck lah. I have not started on MS Research Paper, and I scraped a pass out of Political Science. It's plain to see that I have zero motivation in school, I never had that excitement of going to Uni in the first place. Now that I'm here, I'm wasting away precious thousands of dollars.

I'm actually more bummed that I can't seem to nail a Beirut song in key more than all the deadlines looming about. I swear my priorities are fucked.

I want to watch 500 Days Of Summer, but I'm scared I'll be sad. I know I sound like a loser, but these kind of movies are reserved for watching it with someone special, someone you know you will feel uplifted with. Now that life does not exist. And now, I sound like really a sappy loser. Well, that's the truth so I tell it like it is.

Ok I think I'll go read up about Napoleon and Prussia now. I'm going to reward myself with Radiohead's full-length Scotch Mist video after studying.

In a bit.

I am feelng very sombre, morose even. I'm just tired. I don't feel like studying tonight. I don't feel like studying ever, at all. Tired.

I wish I had a better singing voice. Sigh..

I've never butchered a song so badly until yesterday. How could you forget the lyrics to Bob Marley sia, Hanis. Like WTF sia. Redemption song was your favourite song for so long, how the fuck did that happen. Ok, I'm not so much embarrassed that I can't sing, because I know I can't. But, I'm damn pissed off that I forgot the words to the song when I was singing it happily all day today. Like WTF sia.

Ok, background info, yesterday was OMS Jam Session. We, amateurs, decided to be noobs and play simple chords of awesome songs. And Nuru and I chose Bob Marley's Redemption Song because we both love it. AND THEN I FORGOT THE LYRICS WHEN PERFORMING. Like WTF sia, Hanis. Seriously. Now I'm sad.

And, to prove how thick skin I had to be after butchering the song, Nuru told everybody that I was going to improvise some song on the spot. I was screaming, "WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF" in my head because everyone looked quite put off by the first song already. And I was, "Oh fuck, Oh shit!". But, I guess that brought me to that level of high that I get in the confines of familiarity(ie. at home or with friends), and I started spewing bullshit that I don't even remember right now. And it turned out...ok, let's just say there were applause at the end, so it was not a fuckin' disaster.

It was really fun though, talking to people and seriously, it's just the music lah. It was a good experience and all in good fun, but I'm really sorry Bob Marley, I didn't mean no disrespect. I'm still WTF-ing now over what happened. Damn upset.

Which leads me to the "What the fuck am I doing sia?"

Clearly I have no talents in music. I have no skills like a lot of people around me, let alone in the wider scale of things. Why do I even allow myself to think that what I do constitutes music. Ok, I'm being very negative and emo. But, it's because this is very close to my heart now. And to suck is just...sucky. Need to recover and play punk rock and thrash the place to get all this feelings out. Bob and Nuru, let's fucking do this man.

'Cos I Am The Butcher.

ps. I apologise for the use of so many expletives in this entry. I'm not always this vulgar, really.

So I'm awake. And have been for just about 2 hours now. I was supposed to drive my mum to work but "Massive Jam" spelt in caps across the LED boards meant that my mum was going to be late anyway, so she decided to take the train instead. I woke up early for nothing. Not that I really mind, I am quite used to waking up early despite sleeping really late. Coffee Coffee, oh how I love my coffee.

I'm quite alright now. I'm pulling myself together, because there's a certain part of me that's telling me that I should not feel bad or guilty about anything. This was not my doing. If she had not done what she did twice, we'd still be together after all these years. But, He knew it was going to happen, so I just have to accept this and get on with life. Can't dwell on something that I've set my mind to, 'cos debate exposes doubt. Gotta love Death Cab For Cutie.

I realised when I got home, like a few hours ago, that this week is an odd week. Which pretty much means I'm fucked. I thought I had no tutorials this week, apart from French and Malay Studies. The latter, I never ever prepare for. Now, I have Political Science (TODAY!) and Euro Studies on Wednesday, which I am ill-prepared for. So much for more participation in tutorials after Recess week, I'm probably even further behind all those mugger toads, who probably did all the readings for the semester and dissected every word of them, so that they can ask a million and one questions during tutorials. I'll just sit and stone. Not the way to go, Hanis.

Anyway, I have decided on a project, completely unrelated to school. Which is good. It's just a bit of fun, and a bit of meeting people who have talent, and can't be bothered to show it. It's a bit of a social project that I'm going to undertake. Hopefully, it'll materialise soon enough. You'll see what I mean in the coming weeks.

First, though, I'm still without a new acoustic guitar. Walking past Maestro yesterday, left me in a panic because the guitar I want is no longer there. Where did you go?! I hope they still have another guitar on offer because that guitar was pure sex. If not, then, I have to go hunting again. Damn. And here I thought, the search was over.

And, am I like the last few souls that have not watched Inglorious Basterds? I have to go and watch it soon, despite PS paper due on Friday.

Seriously, I have to say this, but fuck School...

Ok, I'm off on my 28km drive to school for French and a mysterious movie, which would be part of my midterm for Film and History. Fingers-cross, I hope it's Harold and Kumar: Goes to Guantanamo Bay. That'll be sweeeet.

In a bit.

I'm annoyed as hell with the state of my lungs.

Irritating.

Walking up steps and I'm wheezing like a violin on weed.

Annoying.

I want to play Hockey, this stupid sinus whatever you call won't go away.

ANGRY!

Rooooar....








In other news, Happy 17th Birthday to my monkey of a sister. You're old and gross.

If i have one more cookie, I promise you, I'll puke. Im an overloaded tank. I feel like a giant yuppi burger, all squishy and fat. My ectomorphic physique is gone, drowned by the sugars, and butter, and oils of all that food. I am a lazy, lethargic, fat slob that wants to lie on his bed and hibernate in the humid Monday night.

The marathon of 14 houses in 2 days is over. Only left with the odd house for the family. Still no concrete plans to go walk-walk(literal translation from malay) with my friends. I'm much too lazy to plan, let alone ask. If you're reading this, chio me if you like. I might get bored of hibernation, and need to go look for more nuts, or in this case, kueh.

Ok, I'm really lazy. And facebook refuses to login. It's a sign that I should hibernat and dream about Priscilla Ahn, because Farah made me think about her again. And, you know how when I start thinking of her. IT WILL NEVER STOP. She's after all, going to be my future wife and all. So, fluttery my heart as her harmonies soar in Lullaby, although I learnt that the song has such a sad story behind it. Sad.

Recess week, thank God. I wouldn't want to go back school after all that pigging about. Far too lazy. I have to start running! Match this weekend! Unfit fat man running can die of stroke. I don't want to be a statistic. Of course, amidst the running, there's a mountain still left to be hiked, and essays waiting to harvest bullshit. Man Man Lai, cannot whack everything, surely mati one.

And, definitely, the main event on Friday...

So, here we are, my 22nd Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I am so not in the mood for it. I don't have the remotest feeling of yay! for it this year.

Also, I realise that having an allergic reaction to prawns during this Hari Raya season adds to the suck! I have to watch what I'm eating, because everything spicy/sedap would have shrimp(aka belachan) in it. Sad. Stupid, annoying itchy dots!

Fortunately, I have a massively giant craving for kuehs...ok, cookies to be exact. I am going to be whacking a lot of sugary goodness to substitute the lack of chili intake (I'm melayu like that ok). I can see my dentist shaking his head disapprovingly. Booo...I don't care. So, family members reading this, prepare your kuehs for my inspection.

The house raids begin tomorrow. Watch out!

In a bit.

Been feeling rather under the weather lately. Losing my voice frequently, nose pouring like Niagra Falls, head thumping like Kanye's beats. It did not go well with the pointless fracas that ensued this morning with a friend of 15 years. Feeling so blah blah black sheep.

Last night was a lot better, despite not having much of a voice. I was in the company of a rather short woman who goes by the name, Zee Avi. It was fortunate that I had delayed my purchase of her album when I was at Gramophone, because lo and behold, I had Meet and Greet passes with Zee Avi as a result. Plus, PLUS, she played Slow Hands in her second song. When I saw it on her setlist(yes, we, Kiasu people stood right in front of her), I was jumping kangaroo inside. I know it is not her song but c'mon what are the odds that I get to see an Interpol(one of my top 10 favourite bands) song right before my eyes. Slow hands, love. Kantoi, the cutest song since Project Pop's Dangdut is The Music Of My Country, was also another highlight, of course. I rather stupidly forgot to bring my camera, so now I have to wait for Arisya to upload the pictures. I will talk more about the gig then.

In other news, President Obama called Kanye a jackass in light of the events that occured at the VMAs. Now, if the most powerful man in your country calls you a "jackass", not only is it Laugh Out Loud but you really are a jackass, Kanye. I am not a Swift fan, let me make that very clear. Hated listening to her songs since I had to play it a 12000980746652 times in Gramophone. But, you just can't run your mouth like that, man. It's just not...Smart. And, I think Obama is très awesome. No wonder Kal(also known as Kumar) decided to join his administration. Who wouldn't want to be in such a cool administration. Also, I like Obama's firm resolve in fixing the healthcare system in USA. I know it appears like a socialist reform but, something drastic like that needs to be done to help those who just can't afford such expensive healthcare. Especially now with the economy so dire, and unemployment at its peak. Ok ok, boring topic Hanis. Save it for tomorrow's Political Science test, yeah.

Tomorrow is my last day of the midterm. I have Political Science and French test to deal with. I am anxious to get it over and done with, only because I know they are lost causes. 5 weeks have flown by. I still can't believe I have been in University for over a month. Information comes in thick and fast, week in and week out. I really need to use the respite next week to START on my readings, yes, I have done ZERO readings. Definitely not the way to go. Must catch up before another 5 weeks worth of information starts flying in, and then the Finals. Oh mama.

Hari Raya is this Sunday, and I'm not in the mood for it. I wonder how do mothers get so hyped up about Raya every year. It's the time of year when they get crazy over the state of cleanliness of the house, the need to buy new furniture to liven up the house, the patience to back 10000 kuehs for those who visit, and so on and so forth. How do they do it?! They practically become a Nazi Robot, tireless to the cause. Lazy bums like me just want to come home and chill, not have to lug heavy furniture around and pack every bloody thing. Even if it's once a year, I don't want to do it. But, I have to. Because mother said so. Blah.

Sad story before I go, Nidji tomorrow is cancelled. Boohoo... Was looking forward to it, but shit happens. There goes my last day of school plans. Wonder what I'm going to do on a Thursday night, I want to go out. Anyone wants to show this poor boy a good time?

In a bit.

I don't like how today ends. Yet, I don't feel like doing anything to change it. I don't want to change the complexion of today. It's skin can be riped with bubbling pimples and blackheads, but I just don't feel like dealing with it/with you.

I know I disappoint. But, I'm not going to change.
Maybe I never will.

I'll take another breath even though, you are unhappy with me over that in my hands.

I know I'm a disappointment. I know you had hoped that Fasting would change things.
It hasn't. Maybe it will never.

I'm going to bed now.

Let's continue this Cold War that's simmering underneath.